Monday, February 11, 2013

And the Winner Goes to... Opposable Thumbs!

I can't think of anything to write about besides human beings. I don't know why, and actually, it kind of reminds me of that commercial... "humans, even when we cross our t's and dot our i's..." bla bla bla you probably know the rest because commercials are annoying and ruin life. But I guess the stupidity of commercials is a post for another day. I have to keep track of all of these random thoughts that run into my head so that I can remember to write about them later. So far on my list:

1) How awesome Adele is. Because she seriously is.
2) Cat people. You know, people who think they are cats.

I have more actually, they're just in my ipod and I don't feel like getting it so I can tell everyone what I'm gonna write about. That would ruin the surprise.

So anyway, back to humans, because I was thinking about them this morning. I was thinking, with all of the stupid shit that we do, how the hell can we put ourselves above other animals? Now, before you roll your eyes, this is not me advocating for veganism, and that we give up our houses and everything we love to protect animals. Actually as I write this, I am eating a BLT. Do I regret anything? No. I don't. The pig died a noble death. Actually, killing a pig for bacon is like when people talk about sacrificing themselves or something to the gods. They are giving themselves up for the greater good. Maybe if they would have come up with the whole "opposable thumbs" thing first, they wouldn't be in such a sticky situation. I think maybe that's how the world works. I think God just went ahead and put a bunch of single celled organisms on the earth and said "alright, first one to develop opposable thumbs wins."

But sometimes I think being an animal would just be a much simpler life. You're born, you eat, you migrate, you try not to be eaten, you mate, you have babies, and then you die. That's such a simple life. Seriously, humans, what the hell? Of course, that's the price you pay for advanced cognitive activity. This shit happens. Do you think that elephants sit around the water hole gossiping, staring at the other elephants, thinking "oh my god, I wish I had a trunk like hers." or "Her tusks are just fantastic!" Do you think that they sit around on elephant facebook, staring at the lives of all of the other elephants in the Serengeti, thinking "Damn, look how happy she is. She has that adorable little elephant family. Everything is going so well for her. AND HERE I AM, ALONE WITH A BOTTLE OF THIS ELEPHANT WINE THAT I CAN'T EVEN OPEN BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE OPPOSABLE THUMBS." The answer is, no. They are not doing that. Because they're elephants, and they don't have facebook. Actually, I think any organism that doesn't have facebook is already about five steps ahead of humanity.

Actually, and this is me thinking while I'm writing, which may or may not be dangerous, I guess the purpose of me thinking about this, was to make sure I remind myself that humans make mistakes, which we do. We are this wonderfully complicated species that has a wonderfully complicated existence. We're not perfect. We can't live life with the fear of making mistakes, because then we miss out on all of the wonderful things that life has to offer. As nice as an animal's life sounds, they don't get to experience half the cool shit we do. I mean, come on, we have smartphones. We have bacon. Yeah, we have all this complicated shit to deal with, like love, and our purpose in the universe, and stuff, but we have BACON. We get to walk on two legs! We get to walk on two legs in a constructed house to the kitchen and cook BACON! We get to drive cars! To the store! For BACON. We get to deal with an insatiable curiosity about the world around us, why the earth moves, why the stars are the way they are, and of course, why bacon is so damn delicious!

1 comment:

  1. Bacon is great!
    Love is great!
    Never live in fear of mistakes because some of the greatest things happen in direct result of a mistake. Life does not come with directions and "living" life is more fun than playing things safe and only doing what we know.