Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Wake up and smell the hormones.

Alright, I guess this post is going to start off kind of tense, because I feel tense. I'm a lonely, extremely hormonal young lady, and valentines day HAS to be tomorrow. So it's safe to say I'm a little on edge. Lets first start with: "why I hate being a woman."

Seriously, why are our brains wired the way that they are?? It's like when woman was being created, god was chilling out in his human making factory, or probably his laboratory, because I think at this point he was experimenting, and moved his hand a certain way, accidentally knocking over the hormone jar all over his experiment. Kind of like knocking salt over and it goes everywhere, and you're like "fuck it. I'm not starting over." Mom and dad can have salty spaghetti and meatballs. So that's kind of what I feel like, some salty experiment gone wrong. The terrible thing is, men don't understand because they don't go through it. I mean, I've heard people refer to something called "man PMS," which should honestly have another name. Seriously, man PMS is when they just get kind of moody, like their football team lost or something. Or they're tired. Being tired is not even REMOTELY similar to PMS, nor shall it be referred to as such. Because I can guarantee you I will never see a man crying his eyes out on the bathroom floor just because he feels crazy and fat. And for that, I am the most jealous I have ever been. Last year, my first year on campus, I had a transgender roommate, and you know what, I don't blame him for wanting to be a man!! (Side note, I say "him" because that is what he asked to be called, and if I'm going to mention him in my blog without asking, I at least feel the need to be a little respectful. Personally, I don't really give a shit if you reply by saying "you mean HER," and will probably not be listening anyway). The great thing about being a woman too, is that I get to deal with this crazy moodiness MORE THAN ONCE. I had it during puberty, I get it anytime I consider any hormonal birth control, I get it during pregnancy, then I get it during menopause, then finally, when I'm old and grey, I get to appreciate being a kick ass old lady. Except my knees will probably be too bad at that point to appreciate the normalness, so I'll just start sleeping all day and watching soaps. On a good note, my iPad offered to autocorrect the word "hormonal" to "normal" at one point, so at least something loves me...

Wow, that was tense. I wrote that this morning. I think it really is the holiday that we shall not speak of that is happening tomorrow. Seriously, stupid holiday, you really picked the absolute best time to come around. And I say that sarcastically. It's so much rougher when you are on campus. Think about it. If you're single on Valentine's Day, it's all like "okay, well I'll just sit here and cuddle with my dog, and drink a shit ton of wine, and I'll be okay." However, being on campus provides some problems.

1) I don't have a comfortable couch.
2) We are not allowed to have dogs.
3) We are not allowed to have wine.

So yeah, I'm in a bit of a pickle. Stuck between a rock and a hard place, with a pickle. I don't even like pickles...

It's really not that bad though, I guess. I could be a one-armed midget. I saw one of those last week and it really put my life in perspective, but that's a post for another day.


  1. First of all, Valentine's Day is all about commercialism. I don't need a made up holiday to tell my husband that I love him. If people feel they're not loved on V-Day because their significant other doesn't shower them with stuff, then there is an issue with that relationship. People put too much emphasis on 2/14. It's just another day. I think there are more depressed people then happy people on 2/14. All 2/14 does is depress people and make money for Hallmark, florists, restaurants and jewelers. So curl up on your bed with a blanky and watch the Three Stooges or Dumb and Dumber, or any silly movie and laugh your butt off!! And besides, you're only 20 so you can't have wine :-)

  2. Right! Of course, I don't drink wine at all ;)
    Actually you're right about Valentine's day too. Seriously, Hallmark, way to suck.