Friday, February 8, 2013

Why Puppies Could Potentially Save My Life One Day

I do realise that I am posting something just about every day, which probably won't happen all the time, but this blog is kind of like a kick ass Christmas present; I just want to play with it all the time for now. Except I may actually stick with this, because it's awesome, plus this blog won't end up on my bedroom floor covered in clothes to be forgotten about until I clean my room next, which is about once every six months or so.

So anyway, I've gone off on a tangent, but something happened last night that really made me think about the world. I was sitting in my room, minding my own business, listening to music, and painting my nails, and all of a sudden, the most annoying thing in the world happens. The fire alarm goes off. Seriously, fire alarm, nobody likes you. Except, of course, when there is a fire, but the only problem is that of the 1,000 times I've ever heard a fire alarm, 999 times it has been a drill, and the one time, it was because of paint fumes or something. This is the real life application of "The Boy Who Cried Wolf."

Now, since I had just painted my nails, and since I was 99.999% sure it was a drill, since they do all of the campus fire drills in the same week, you know what I did? I stayed in my room. And do you know what I realised? Fire drills have trained me to do the exact opposite thing I'm supposed to do in the event that it goes off. Seriously. Now, some of it was peer pressure from my roommate, who I'm completely convinced, in the event of an actual fire, would just climb out the fifth floor window, rappel down the side of the building, all with a sandwich in her hand and while doing her homework, and she would be completely fine, so when she promised that she would save me if there was actually a fire, it set my mind at ease a bit.

For some reason, this whole thing reminded me of what my eleventh grade English teacher told me. He said that all that public school does is train us all to be factory workers. We do everything by a bell. We wait for a figure of authority to tell us what to do. We write five paragraph essays the way that The Man wants them written, three prong thesis and all. We get a half hour lunch break. Now, I'm not offended by this; after seeing half of the kids that I went to high school with, I could never really imagine an intellectual environment, where we were all free thinkers, and frequented the library, and actually came to school to learn. I mean, really. We had a day where everyone rode their tractor to school.

I'm actually not really sure what that has to do with a fire alarm, but for some reason, that's what I thought of. I did, however, come up with a solution to the problem. I think by the time one gets to college, he/she knows how to find the nearest exit in the event of a fire. I mean, come on, we spend all class time thinking about those glorious exits, the gateways to freedom. I think you could blindfold a college student and break his/her legs and they could still find the exit to a building. They would be pathetically crawling toward it, with kind of a Stevie Wonder expression on their face, kind of like a worm, or a dog with no use of its back legs, but they would find it nevertheless. So anyway, I think there should be an alarm for fire drills, but it should kind of be one of those under the table things, where all the seniors know about it, but the freshmen are all running outside, since they haven't been enlightened yet. Kind of like college "street smarts." Then, I think there should be an actual fire alarm. Where the alarm is four times louder, and says something like "HEY GUYS. LISTEN UP. THERE'S AN ACTUAL FIRE IN THE BUILDING. SERIOUSLY, GET THE FUCK OUT. WE'VE CALLED FIRETRUCKS AND EVERYTHING. And don't use the elevator." Because I would definitely take that shit seriously. Or even maybe something like "Attention! Go outside! There are puppies and free food!" because this is college, and that is exactly the type of thing that could clear out a building faster than an actual fire.

1 comment:

  1. You really need to change your major to Journalism because you are the Erma Bombeck of college!