Tuesday, February 19, 2013

I promise, dogs and Ethiopian children have nothing to do with each other

I've become a victim of one of life's biggest frustrations. I was laying in bed, ready to drift off to sleep, and BAM, my head is filled with great ideas. I would tell the world what they are, but I CAN'T REMEMBER ANY OF THEM. They floated out of my head while I was asleep and they are never returning. I can only hope that one day, after I die, I am taken to another dimension where I will be reunited with all of my lost ideas.

I have a lot of random thoughts today.

1. I have discovered yet another reason why I need a dog. I drop a lot of food on the floor on accident, only when I do it here in my apartment, I actually have to clean it up. Then I'm stuck with a personal dilemma of whether or not I throw it away, because on one hand, there are starving children in Ethiopia, but on the other hand, it's not as though I really have all the time in the world to dance around with the vacuum cleaner. I'm a college student, not a 1950's housewife. So a dog may actually help me to stay clean, since it would always be picking up after me.

2. College has helped me discover yet another thing about the world. People my age apparently have no regard or respect for ketchup. How disappointing too, because ketchup is the most classic of all the condiments. It has a winning personality that just goes with everything. It is versatile, and is very compatible with everything. One would think that these are good enough reasons to respect ketchup, but apparently not. Going for a walk around campus, I can find at least three places where I have almost walked into spilled ketchup. This pisses me off for a couple of reasons.

     One: There are starving children in Ethiopia who don't have ketchup. They also don't have fries to put it on, but that's just one of many, many problems that Ethiopia has.

     Two: I would rather not walk around tracking red stuff everywhere. Ketchup does not take well to white shirts, and it probably also does not take well to white carpet. Also, I'd like to not have people think that I just came from a murder scene. Seriously, what if somebody was murdered the same day that I happen to walk through a giant pile of ketchup? That's inconvenience at its very best. I'm sure the police totally know the difference between ketchup and blood, but I would not be given back any time that I was judged up and down by other people.

3. Why don't we have a big chute that goes directly to Ethiopia? I know this has been on EVERYONE'S mind at some point in their life. Your mom takes your plate, calls you a spoiled little brat for wasting half of your food, begins the conversation about starving children, and you come up with the whole "giant trash chute" idea. I know everyone's done it at some point. If we have so many leftovers, why don't we just give them all to the starving children? Well, now that I'm older and wiser, I can say that this is a terrible idea.

     One: There are starving children everywhere. If this big trash chute is built, who says that the starving      children in Ethiopia are any better than the starving children in Moldova? Or Baltimore? We cannot build a network of "leftover food" chutes across the world. Or maybe we can. Maybe this idea is what will get me my wikipedia page one day. "Emily Day: She came up with the idea and design for a network of chutes that deliver unwanted leftover food directly to starving children." It's good, but I'll hold myself to a higher standard, since I can do better than "designer of a network of food chutes."

     Two: They're people, not vultures. No other human being deserves half of an old sandwich with a bite taken out of it. This probably should have been number one actually...

     Three: How else would we get children to eat their damn vegetables? America is fat, and we really need any cliche excuse we can get to force feed our children vegetables. I would not put myself above using guilt to do it. That's an emotional appeal, duh. We don't learn about that in English class for nothing.

So with that comes my next idea

4. I think instead of coming up with complex ideas for trash chutes, we should just go befriend a starving child and invite them over to dinner once a week. One day I'd like to think that I'll have enough money to do this, but then I do come back to reality and remember the liberal arts degree that I'm working towards. If anything though, I will be able to tell you where the concentration of starving children are and I will be able to make you a map for reference. Any little bit helps, right?

5. Another reason I need a dog. Because I obviously have enough time on my hands to think of all of this shit. Maybe I do need something to take over the rest of my free time.

1 comment:

  1. And will that dog also help pick up your dirty laundry that is covering your bedroom carpet?