Thursday, March 7, 2013

Why storms need to earn their names before they're given

This week I have hit a milestone. A minor one, but one to be remembered nevertheless. This Wednesday was my first snow day away from home.

I remember the excitement building up. Saturn was going to be the storm of the freaking century. Which brings me to ask one question that you all are wondering. Why the hell are we naming winter storms??

Well, I did what I always do, and I turned to google, that told me that it was because after "Superstorm Sandy" came through, they got the idea to start naming winter storms, because they're like, "Well, people take a storm more seriously if it has a name. It also gives each storm its own personality." I have a couple of things to say to meteorologists.

1. A name has absolutely nothing to do with how much people take a storm seriously. These people have obviously never worked at a grocery store. The forecast for the day could say "Partly cloudy with a 30% chance of a dusting of snow" and everyone and their mother is in the store buying milk and bread. This brings me to a minor tangent.

  • Why are people buying perishable food items during a storm? Why is milk the first thing on your mind during a snowstorm? Why is it that when people on are telling you that there is a chance the power will go out, the first thing you think to get is an extremely perishable item? I have never quite understood this logic. Why aren't people buying logical things, like batteries? And bottled water? And room temperature food that comes in wrappers and boxes? Well, apparently because they don't go very well with cereal. 
2. Why the hell does a storm need a personality? It's not a human. It's a storm. "Here is storm (insert bad ass greek/roman name). He likes long walks on the beach, has a winning smile, and a sense of humour that just won't quit." Of course, storms never have personalities like that. They're all vengeful, evil, soulless things just waiting to unleash their wrath wherever and whenever they can. Because they're a storm, and that's what storms do. 

Now, when I heard that this storm was gonna hit, I was excited, because this is Maryland, and getting snow is like when you went to the grocery store when you were little and your mom said you could have candy. It just doesn't happen that often, so when it does happen you're like "YES. THIS IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW." So of course, me being the busy college student that I am was like, "Hell yeah, snow in the middle of the week? BRING IT, SATURN." Not to mention, I was also excited that I was being hit by a snowstorm named Saturn. It's pretty much one of my favourite planets. But it's also a pretty bad ass name. Of all things to be struck by, you're being struck and surrounded by a roman god. Pretty cool stuff.

Except it wasn't cool. It was literally an inch of snow and that's it. It didn't even rain. Which brings me to my idea of the story: If you're going to name a storm, do so after it has done something really awesome and bad ass that has earned it its name. Also, if you're going to pull the whole "storms having personality card," then name the storm afterwards. Then you can give it some really awesome name. Like snowmageddeon three years ago. That storm got me out of school for two weeks. That storm has definitely earned a name. But this past snow storm? I'm going to have the image of Saturn forever soiled in my mind. 

Actually, never mind. I saw a picture of Saturn. He looks quite fabulous. The image is actually quite comparable to the total of three snowflakes we received.  

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