Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Here it is, the Walking Dead post

So, as everybody/nobody may have noticed, I haven't really been blogging too much as of late. There are two reasons for this.

1) Midterms. And by midterms, I mean one.
2) Walking Dead.

It's mostly the second one.

It all began as I was perusing my Netflix homepage, and I was all like, "Hm, there's a lot about Walking Dead on facebook, maybe it's worth watching." Of course, if you've ever seen the show, you know that you're hooked from the moment you add it into your instant queue, so I think you can guess what happened. I watched the first episode of season 1 on Monday morning, and watched the last episode of season 2 the next Sunday. And now I'm sad that I have to wait for season 3 to be put on Netflix, but am also happy about the temporary sense of liberation I have until then.

Now, I feel about this show, the way that a mother would feel about her teenager. You sit on the sidelines, screaming in frustration about all the stupid shit that he/she is doing, but there's not a thing you can do about it, and at the end of the day, you're just waiting in anticipation to see what's going to happen next. That's how I feel about this show. A lot of these characters just do the stupidest shit unimaginable and sometimes, I almost can't handle it.

First of all, if you were in a coma, you woke up, nobody is around, and you see half of a zombie coming at you, I don't care how many horror movies you were deprived of as a kid, it's pretty apparent that there is a mother flipping zombie apocalypse. At this point, I would have grabbed the bike and pedaled as hard as I could have, as Rick did, but I wouldn't just chill out on a porch somewhere waiting for the rest of them to show up. You think if you see a zombie coming at you, and you go in your house to find that your wife and son had left, that there's only one freaking zombie? Yeah, Rick, your wife and kid and everyone else in the town left because that one zombie in the park was really becoming quite an eyesore. You're lucky you're the main character, because anybody else who let their guard down like that would have become walker food.

Next, you know, he decides to drive a car to Atlanta, which I guess I can kind of understand, since the CDC is located there and he was told about a safe haven and everything, but I would have at least taken gas into consideration. The last thing I want to do is be stranded on a deserted road and have to ride a horse into the middle of a zombie ridden city. Which brings me to my next point. Why the hell would you take a f***ing horse into the middle of what was once a very populated city? At least take something that goes fast and isn't spooked at everything and doesn't have to stop to shit. It really isn't rocket science to know that zombie virus (or virus of any kind for that matter) + heavily populated areas does not equal any kind of good. Just ask Asia about SARS. It's a zombie apocalypse, you really can't be too optimistic. If I would have entered Atlanta to see nothing but ruins, I would have turned my ass right around and left. I would have taken that horse straight to Wyoming.

Now, there are just so many things that really frustrate me, I really can't name them all. There's the abandonment of the buddy system for one thing. I mean, come on, 8 year old girl scouts understand that. You obviously cannot let your sister go pee during a zombie apocalypse. Nor would I just leave the door hanging open and my arm just sitting there like walker bait. These people were obviously deprived of zombie movies growing up. Really, the list of stupid stuff just goes on and on and on, which brings me to my next idea:

What I would do in the event of a zombie apocalypse:

Well, first of all, if I saw my best friend safe with my wife and son on some colony, I would obviously assume that my friend is banging my wife. It really doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out. Next, I would go to somewhere very remotely populated, like the Rocky Mountains. Or maybe the desert. I wonder what a dry heat does to zombies. If anything, I will propose that the world come up with a designated "safe haven" in the event of a zombie apocalypse. Just get a bunch of people together, geographers, engineers, architects, and extreme couponers and build a city complete with everything you would ever need in the event of a zombie apocalypse. That way, nobody is running around the entire country looking for their family, you know that if they are alive, they are en route to the city and you will meet them there. Bam. Genius. Why the hell are we writing petitions about building death stars when we could be writing petitions planning this out? Now, after I am safe, I would find a very secure, stone building, fort type of thing, teach myself to shoot guns, find a dog, and live out the rest of my existence quietly avoiding zombies.

Of course, my life would not have the amount of insane drama that Walking Dead does, which is why if anyone were to document my experiences, it would not be a critically acclaimed TV series. But I'm okay with that.

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