Why storms need to earn their names before they're given

This week I have hit a milestone. A minor one, but one to be remembered nevertheless. This Wednesday was my first snow day away from home.

I remember the excitement building up. Saturn was going to be the storm of the freaking century. Which brings me to ask one question that you all are wondering. Why the hell are we naming winter storms??

Well, I did what I always do, and I turned to google, that told me that it was because after "Superstorm Sandy" came through, they got the idea to start naming winter storms, because they're like, "Well, people take a storm more seriously if it has a name. It also gives each storm its own personality." I have a couple of things to say to meteorologists.

1. A name has absolutely nothing to do with how much people take a storm seriously. These people have obviously never worked at a grocery store. The forecast for the day could say "Partly cloudy with a 30% chance of a dusting of snow" and everyone and their mother is in the store buying milk and bread. This brings me to a minor tangent.

• Why are people buying perishable food items during a storm? Why is milk the first thing on your mind during a snowstorm? Why is it that when people on are telling you that there is a chance the power will go out, the first thing you think to get is an extremely perishable item? I have never quite understood this logic. Why aren't people buying logical things, like batteries? And bottled water? And room temperature food that comes in wrappers and boxes? Well, apparently because they don't go very well with cereal. 

2. Why the hell does a storm need a personality? It's not a human. It's a storm. "Here is storm (insert bad ass greek/roman name). He likes long walks on the beach, has a winning smile, and a sense of humour that just won't quit." Of course, storms never have personalities like that. They're all vengeful, evil, soulless things just waiting to unleash their wrath wherever and whenever they can. Because they're a storm, and that's what storms do. 

Now, when I heard that this storm was gonna hit, I was excited, because this is Maryland, and getting snow is like when you went to the grocery store when you were little and your mom said you could have candy. It just doesn't happen that often, so when it does happen you're like "YES. THIS IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW." So of course, me being the busy college student that I am was like, "Hell yeah, snow in the middle of the week? BRING IT, SATURN." Not to mention, I was also excited that I was being hit by a snowstorm named Saturn. It's pretty much one of my favourite planets. But it's also a pretty bad ass name. Of all things to be struck by, you're being struck and surrounded by a roman god. Pretty cool stuff.

Except it wasn't cool. It was literally an inch of snow and that's it. It didn't even rain. Which brings me to my idea of the story: If you're going to name a storm, do so after it has done something really awesome and bad ass that has earned it its name. Also, if you're going to pull the whole "storms having personality card," then name the storm afterwards. Then you can give it some really awesome name. Like snowmageddeon three years ago. That storm got me out of school for two weeks. That storm has definitely earned a name. But this past snow storm? I'm going to have the image of Saturn forever soiled in my mind. 

Actually, never mind. I saw a picture of Saturn. He looks quite fabulous. The image is actually quite comparable to the total of three snowflakes we received.  

The joys of roommates

Things that my roommates feel the need to talk about and do when it's midnight and they see me out in the kitchen doing my homework:

• Talk about weaves. Other bitches and they weaves, their own personal woes with their weaves. Just can't get that shit to stay flat? That's probably because it's not real hair. Not entirely sure why your bedroom door has to be open for that conversation.
• Talk about their savings accounts and how fast their money is disappearing. Remember this, as it comes back later.
• Come out in the kitchen and open the fridge, point to everything and talk about how much it cost. $2.99 for sausage? Glad I don't give a shit. 
• Proceed to pull out said sausages and begin cooking dinner. At midnight. 
• Decide that it's entirely too cold for them in the living room that they never spend any time in, and proceed to walk over, and turn the heat up to the highest possible setting. You know, the one that is comparable to the temperature in hell. 
• Go on a rant about how they will never eat organic food, because they like salt too much. Also because they ain't givin' up mama's pot roast, uh-uh. They will STAY with their blubber. Okay, last time I checked, going organic isn't like going on weight watchers. 
• Apparently sausages aren't enough, so they need to start making fries and scrambled eggs to go with it. Seriously, at this point, you're about 8 hours early for breakfast.

So after drowning my sorrows in ice cream, I decided that it was finally time to leave when as I was typing the word "task," it came out "taks."

My time spent as a secluded individual

Alright, I caved. I feel kind of bad for it, but it's all Bill Cosby's fault. But I'll talk about that another time.

Basically this whole "no social internet" stuff was really good for me, and in a way, I wish that I could just keep my facebook deactivated, because it was so nice, but unfortunately, facebook is just the way that my generation communicates nowadays. Actually, you know what? I may just deactivate it again. There. I've done it. It feels great. I actually kept a diary of the past few days without the internet.

Actually I just reactivated it again. I'm really having an internet identity crisis here.

Anyway, my times without social networking:


Sunday night: Within the span of about two hours, I cleaned my dorm room, I organised my bookshelf, I took out the trash, I did the dishes, and put all of my clothes away. I also sorted a bunch of stuff and I now have a bag full of stuff that I don't need ready to go home. I know people are reading this and thinking, really? How hard could that have been? You cleaned your room. Congrats, want a cookie? But seriously, you didn't see my room. Actually, I couldn't even see my room, since it was such a mess. All I saw was mess. But seriously, I got more done in two hours than I have in two months and it felt GREAT.

Monday night: I've made it 24 hours without social networking. I'm starting to feel kind of lonely. I catch myself automatically typing "facebo-" in the web address bar before I stop myself. I did, however, get a B+ on a test I was sure I was actually going to fail, so that's good. I also finished all of my homework. And I walked four miles. But I've started to feel the "deserted island" effect. Kind of like when you are at a party full of people and you just get up and leave out of the blue and then you start feeling really lonely even though you're the one who left everyone. I am going through the period now where I'm trying to justify everything by saying something like, "oh, well if I'm not happy without talking to others, then I probably should just reactivate everything and connect with reality again." On the other hand though, I did this for myself in order to catch up on everything that I was leaving unfinished. Cutting myself off for now is a good thing, it's just that my brain is still like a baby and when I can't see people, I just assume they don't exist. It's weird. But whatever. I'll get through it.

Tuesday: I decided that if I'm basically cutting myself off from civilisation, I'd better get some good books to read, so I woke up this morning and bought "The Alchemist" and "The Prophet," because they're both self discovery books with awesome reviews, which I feel would be a good thing for me. Actually, since "The Prophet" is online as well, I went ahead and read a chapter and my life is already better for doing so. After reading that, I was like, okay, since I'm on a roll, I should keep reading awesome things, so then I read "Body Ritual Among the Nacirema," which was also awesome. Then I called to get my taxes done. Then I walked three miles. Then I made four maps. Then I went out and hung out with a friend, came back, finished my homework, and it was awesome. Today I really discovered that there is a lot more to the internet than I originally thought. There's so much awesome reading material out there, so many things to learn, so many videos to watch. The internet is kind of like an iceberg actually. I only see the top 10%, that being facebook, my email, etc., but there is SO MUCH MORE AND IT'S AWESOME. I mean, there's way more to the world too, but we already knew that. I would have done more today, but there's a blizzard coming and I've reached the point (since it's 1 am and I'm not going to sleep anytime soon) that I really hope we don't have class tomorrow....

So yeah, my time without the social internet.

The fact that Snooki is allowed to mate goes against everything I ever believed in

So, I have noticed particularly in the past couple of days, that I have seen a drastic increase in the amount of girls posting pictures of engagement rings and wedding stuff to their pinterest. My first reaction, of course, is why is everyone posting this stuff on a public website that their boyfriends can see? If there's one thing I learned actually, this kind of stuff apparently freaks men out. Not every man, but young men. Like college age men. Like, men that my friends are dating. And it's unfortunate, because I think men should be flattered that women want to spend the rest of their lives with you. I mean, evolutionarily speaking, we only accept the best. We can't just have anyone fertilising our eggs; we want someone with a lot of good qualities. So men should be flattered that we are planning our future together on our internet accounts.

So why do women my age want to be married so badly?

1. Romantic Comedies
2. It's the same as being in a relationship, except with nice jewelry involved
3. We get a day all about us. 

So really, men. Calm your tits. This is the just the basic psychology of women at work here.

I actually really wanted to talk about stupid people today, so I will do that now.

I have gotten a lot of crime alerts recently on campus, mostly peeping toms taking pictures of girls in public restrooms (which is precisely the reason why I will never use a campus bathroom ever again). This is exactly why we can't have nice things. It doesn't matter how nice an invention is, there is always some douchebag out there to ruin it for the rest of us. Man invents something as nice as the camera, sure enough, someone uses it to take pictures of peeing girls. Humans were nice enough to invent the public restrooms for us, and of  course, there are the people who pee all over the seat, take toilet paper and rip it up and throw it all over the stall, people who leave used tampons just hanging out of the trash can, and worst of all, the people who just don't fucking flush. Humans invented the concept of dance, and of course, what do we do? We invent the Harlem Shake.

There is a part of me that just wants Social Darwinism to make itself a little more apparent. But since things like Snooki can have children, I don't see that happening anytime soon.

This is about as much as I can really force myself to say about fiber.

Hello, world.

I was told to write about Fiber One today. So, for inspiration, I went to the kitchen and got myself a Fiber One chocolate chip cookie brownie. It's amazing how the act of eating one small cookie brownie can spark a creative flow of thinking. Sometimes you really just have to experience what you're about to write about. 

So anyway, one thing I've learned is that Fiber One takes things that are delicious and makes them not delicious anymore. But hey, what the hell was I expecting? A cookie just simply cannot be both delicious and 90 calories. The two are mutually exclusive events and, therefore, cannot occur at the same time. You can't be happy and sad at the same time. Unless of course, you're on your period. But that's beside the point.  As far as food goes, low calorie food is not delicious. 

Which brings up the question, "then why the hell did you just eat it?" 

Uh, because my awesome friend, Laura asked me to write something meaningful on Fiber One, and I wanted to experience it firsthand so that I could write something a little more than, "fiber makes you poop."

So what is the purpose of Fiber One anyway? It's because as Americans, it's much easier for us to eat slightly less unhealthy food that is disguised as delicious healthy food as means of getting nutrients. Fiber One is there so that we don't have to force ourselves to eat actually delicious healthy food, like fruit. Fiber One is there so that instead of having to go through all of the freaking effort to wash tupperware that had cantaloupe in it, we can just throw away a wrapper. The more I write, actually, the more I'm developing kind of a personal vendetta against Fiber One. That and the fact that I just read the wrapper that says "11JAN2013" on it, so I'm totally going to die. That is a terribly pathetic way to go, actually. "Here lies Emily. She died because she was too lazy to go get an apple." Honestly though, after reading through these ingredients, I can't really see anything that hasn't been sitting on my kitchen counter for years, so I think I'll be alright. I mean, does "bleached wheat flour" ever actually go bad? My guess is no. 

John f***ing Denver, people

Dear World,

I have reactivated my twitter. Even though I don't understand it in the slightest, it's what all the cool kids are doing these days, and since I like keeping in touch with the world, I may as well do it.

In other news, I walked five miles today. I only had the intention of walking two, then I liked those two miles so much I decided to walk them again. Then at the end of the fourth mile, I decided I wanted a grilled cheese sandwich, so that was the fifth mile. The grilled cheese was well worth the extremely sore feet.

Speaking of walking, I've been thinking a lot about how I'm going to go about this whole "growing up" business, and was talking to my friend, when all of a sudden I was like, "OMGISHOULDWALKACROSSTHEUSA." Just like that. When I get really excited, space bars know to take a step back from me. Really, my inner Forrest Gump was just clawing its way out of me. So I took a mental note to research that later, and went to bed. The next morning, I became really serious about the idea, and googled it and everything.

On a side note, spell check needs to get its shit together, because "google" has definitely been a verb for a couple of years now. Seriously, I can say "google" with a straight face, that's how mainstream and accepted it has become.

So anyway, back to things. I googled it, and apparently I'm not the first one who has had this idea, and I certainly wouldn't be the first person to undertake and complete it successfully either. Once I read the blogs of many people who have done it, and about the thousands of dollars, and the bears and snakes, and the sleeping alone, and the worrying about creepy people, the thrill kind of wore off, honestly. Actually, it's the bears and snakes and the thousands of dollars that did it more than anything. Maybe that's just not for me right now. But you know what? I should definitely do something adventurous, and I stumbled upon this thing called the "American Discovery Trail," which is basically a network of trails that goes across the USA. I found one that goes across Maryland, and I thought that I should perhaps try that. Or maybe I should bike it instead. Who knows, honestly. If anyone is dying to bike across Maryland with me, you should let me know. If anyone also knows where to get a bike, you should let me know about that too.

So anyway, in other news, I have totally come to a sad realisation. And by sad realisation, I mean I have come to terms with a part of myself. Inside of me, there is totally a redneck that I haven't let out. Honestly, I have no clue if I'm just having an early life crisis or what, but there is a part of me that wants to go sit on a mountain in West Virginia until I figure everything out. I bought a John Denver song and a poster of America yesterday. That's about all I feel like saying about that, I just needed to validate the title of this post.

Finally, I'll end with this. I really kind of wish I had a twin. First, because I can't think of anything the world needs more than someone who looks exactly like me. Lol jk. Twins are lucky. They have their own language and everything. They know each others thoughts. I think that's pretty cool. But enough about that, because this sleepytime tea is really living up to its name and I'm trying to get into the Walking Dead before I konk out.

Jesus is totally going to ruin my next birthday party, I know it

I'm feeling pretty random today. Therefore, I guess random is the route of action for this blog today.

Random thought number one.

Pretty sure one of the most embarrassing things to do is to have a song playing and go to belt something out, and you either sing the wrong thing or you come in at the wrong time at the top of your lungs. Before you ask in yourself in your head, this hasn't happened to me recently. I was just listening to my iPod and I was like "wow, that would be embarrassing if I were to play this song in front of people and sing it and come in at the wrong time." Don't ask me why I think about shit like that, because I have absolutely no clue. Of course, honestly, I always have those thoughts. I could be at a birthday party and be the only one there thinking, "wow, how much would it suck if the rapture happened right now?" I have never gone to a birthday party and thought about that either, but I guess I will now have that thought constantly in my head if I do end up ever going to a birthday party. Actually, that would be the worst day ever for me if the rapture happened during my birthday party. It's YOUR day and all of a sudden half of your friends vanish. Actually, knowing my friends, they would all still be there. Actually, I guess a lot of people would still be here, because I guarantee Jesus is pissed at all of us for not sharing and liking all of those facebook pictures.

Random thought number two.

So, of course, to absolutely NO surprise to anyone reading this blog or even anyone who talks to me in real life (all five of you), I have, of course, been going through this "coming of age" process. I woke up one morning, realised that I am 20 years old, then BAM. All of a sudden, I'm restless, I want my freaking life to get started already, I want to figure out what kind of person I am, and how I'm going to live my life and stuff. Also, since everyone around me is getting married, I really looked into this. I truly wonder why people get married. Now, there is the religious reason, and it's so that you can make a family, and help each other get into heaven sort of deal, but if you're not a particularly religious person, why would you still want to get married? How is getting married different than being in a steady long term relationship? The divorce rate is 50%, so it's not like getting married necessarily keeps you together forever, and sometimes, it really isn't more of a commitment than just being in a serious relationship. 

So I did what I always do, and I googled this. Aside from religious reasons, we feel there is a sense of accomplishment in being married. From the time we're little, we're basically told that one day we will get married and have kids too, and once you do, you basically unlock a life achievement. Also, and I thought this was funny, we have this deep seeded desire to possess things, and if you're legally married, it's kind of like the other person is yours. Even if your husband is sleeping around, he's still yours. I mean, you have papers and everything. 

Random thought number three.

I'm basically done boycotting Chik-fil-A. It's one of those things that everyone really cared about for about a week, but when you think about it, where else are you going to find Chik-fil-A sauce? Nowhere. That's where. It may be bigotry, but it is delicious bigotry, and being a heartless American, I'm okay with that.